


Your Time Is Coming (Don't Be Late)

by whispered_story



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Actor Jared, Actor Jensen, Alternate Universe, Coming Out, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 18:32:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12393759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whispered_story/pseuds/whispered_story
Summary: For a Hollywood actor, Jensen leads a pretty private life. Even winning an Academy Award doesn't change that. But then pictures of him kissing his boyfriend, Jared, pop up and it turns his world upside down. His PR team thinks they have two choices: let their accidental outing ruin their careers or stage the grandest love story of modern times, social media style, and make America fall in love with them. Only problem is, Jared and he just started dating and the sudden attention might just be the thing that ruins their relationship.





	Your Time Is Coming (Don't Be Late)

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to my wonderful beta, [Dancing_Adrift](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancing_Adrift) ♥
> 
> Title taken from the song "Shine" by Take That.

"And the Oscar for actor in a leading role goes to... Jensen Ackles, _Out In The Open_."

Silence.

Jensen is pretty sure people are clapping, but he doesn't hear a thing. Just silence, his mind frozen, numb. Because that was his name. _His name._

A hand on his arm shakes him out of his stupor, and he turns his face to find Danneel grinning widely had him. 

"Go on up there, dummy," she says, softly. 

Jensen nods, then murmurs, "Holy shit."

Danneel laughs, nudging him a little. Jensen gives her a small smile, more to reassure himself than her, and leans in to press a quick kiss to her cheek before he gets up. 

His legs are shaking, but he's grinning as he takes the stage.

+

"Jensen Ackles, Academy Award winner," Danneel gloats. "You know that's a thing now? That will be tagged onto your name for the rest of your life, baby."

"Jesus," Jensen mutters and laughs. He thunks his head back against the car seat and grins up at the ceiling of the limo. "I can't believe that happened."

"Me neither," Danneel agrees and leans into his side. "I mean, I _can_ , because you were amazing. But I can't, because this is huge. This is so fucking _huge_."

She sounds a little breathless, tipsy from the champagne they had at the after-party. Jensen shifts and curls his arm around her, and he feels a rush of affection towards her. She's so happy, as if she was the one to have one a freaking Oscar, and Jensen appreciates it so much. Appreciates her so much.

"I never thought this would happen," he admits. "I mean, remember the first couple of years out here?"

"Ramen and cheap beer," Danneel says and makes a face while laughing. "They weren't good. But look at us now, baby – we're on top of the fucking world."

"Yeah," Jensen agrees and kisses the top of Danneel's head, a grin spreading on his lips. "Hey. You think we should be heading to another party? I mean, not that I want to ..."

"Well, tonight is all about what you want."

Jensen smiles, relieved. It's what he wanted to hear, even though he knows they'll both get an earful the next day from their PR managers about how having two glasses of champagne before sneaking out and going home is really boring. Jensen's been getting talks like that for years now, he could probably recite what Lauren will say to him word for word before she has even been able to open her mouth. 

"I wanna go home, have a few drinks and order some real food," he admits. Because Danneel is right, this is his night and he'll do what he wants.

Danneel pulls out her phone, finger skating over the display as she checks messages, and then grins at him. "Well, you'll be happy to hear Chris is already on his way with drinks and Jason said he's bringing pizza and wings."

Jensen hums and closes his eyes for a few moments. "I fucking love you guys," he says.

+

"Are you happy?" Danneel's words are slurred, and Jensen squints at her flushed face. Her hair is in a messy bun and her dress has been exchanged for a pair of jeans and one of Jensen's shirts. Jensen changed out of his suit the moment they got to his house, too, stripping off the persona he plays when he leaves the house along with it.

They're curled up on the couch together now, Chris has gotten his guitar out and is messing around, and Jensen thinks this is how all Oscar wins should be celebrated.

"Yeah. Fucking won, didn't I?" he replies.

Danneel smiles. "No, yeah. I'm not talking about that. Of _course_ you're happy about that," she says, nodding her head as she speaks. "But are you _happy_?"

Jensen is pretty sure he's had too many drinks for a conversation like this, but the words hit a chord and his chest feels a little too tight suddenly.

"'Cause sometimes I'm not," Danneel admits quietly. "I mean, we've got all this. Fame or whatever. But sometimes I feel like there should be more to life than just this. Like, this can't be it, right?"

"We have each other," Jensen reminds her softly. Danneel gives him a smile, but it's a little sad.

"Yeah. You're my best friend, Jensen."

"But sometimes you want a hot guy to come home to?" Jensen teases.

Danneel shrugs, looking down at her fingers. "Sometimes," she says. "Sometimes I just want life to be simple again. Like it was before."

"Me too," Jensen replies quietly, and thinks about the interviews he'll probably have to give over the next few days, the appearances he will have to make. Lauren will want to milk this, make the most of it before next year rolls around and someone else will be the next big thing.

He sighs. "Let's not think about any of that tonight."

"No," Danneel says. "Let's have another drink and regret it in the morning."

"Sounds like a plan," Jensen agrees.

+

It's almost funny how much winning an Oscar doesn't change Jensen's life.

When he first started out, it was his big dream. He thought it would be life-changing, that it would be the thing that defined his life and be the ultimate sign of success. He never really thought what life would be like for him after winning an award like that.

There's a bit of a buzz, but it dies down quickly when Jensen only gives a couple of interviews and then heads out of the country again for the next project. He keeps his head down, keeps working, and he likes it that way. He never really liked attention from the media much, even though he knows it's part of his job, and luckily the media seems to think he's pretty boring. Jensen doesn't give them a reason to think otherwise, either.

Lauren once told him that if he wasn't so damn talented, he probably never would have gotten anywhere in the business. Jensen knows it was supposed to be a subtle dig, but he actually liked the sentiment – the thought of making it as far as he has on something other than talent leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

The only thing that really comes of winning the award is that a few job offers that Jensen thinks he probably wouldn't have gotten otherwise, before, start coming in. A few that are absolutely ridiculous too, the kind where someone clearly only cares about attaching an Academy Award winner to a project regardless if he's right for the role, and Jeff only passes those on to Jensen so they can both have a good laugh at it.

But other than that, Jensen's life quickly goes back to normal.

His eighteen-year-old self, fresh off the bus from Texas, would probably be sorely disappointed. At thirty, Jensen couldn't be happier about it.

+

Jensen ducks his head as he walks into the crowded house, though he knows he doesn't have to be worried.

Chris’s parties are about as un-Hollywood as a party can be. In fact, Jensen's pretty sure his parties and the people here haven't changed one bit in the last ten years, despite the fact that some of them are a lot more famous now than they were back in the days. The house has gotten a little bigger, the crowd a little older, but the music is still loud and the booze cheap and nobody cares who Jensen is.

He worms his way past people, nods at a few familiar faces, and grabs a beer from the kitchen before he goes to find Chris.

"You're back in town!" Chris crows when he sees him, clapping him firmly on the shoulder before pulling him into a firm hug. 

"We wrapped a few days early," Jensen says. "Thought I'd show my face before you guys start missing me too much."

"N'aww, Jenny, I always miss your pretty face when you're not around," Chris jokes. 

Jensen rolls his eyes and takes a sip of beer, glancing around the living-room that's packed with people. "Good turn-out," he notes.

"Always. My party's are legen-, wait for it," Chris starts and raises his eyebrows, looking at Jensen expectantly.

Jensen sighs. "-dary," he finishes, shaking his head in amusement at the way Chris grins. "Gotta break it to you, you're not Barney Stinson, no matter how hard you try."

"I don't know what you're talking about. The ladies love me," Chris says. 

"They just use you to get to me," Jensen jokes. 

Chris gives him a pointed look. "Yeah, good luck with that, huh?" he says, voice quieter, and Jensen grins, casting a furtive glance around. 

"Yeah," he snorts and they toast each other. 

"Danneel here?" Jensen asks after a few more sips.

"Yeah, she's around somewhere. Brought a date," Chris says with a little smirk. "Boy isn't going to last a month."

"Do they ever?" Jensen asks and Chris laughs.

They chat for a little bit longer, catching up on what's been going on in their lives since they last saw each other a few weeks ago. Chris tries to talk Jensen into coming into the studio and doing vocals for a song or two for his new album – it's a discussion they've had many times over the years, and as always, Jensen refuses. He doesn't mind jamming with Chris, messing around a little, but he's not a musician, and never wanted to be either. 

Eventually, Chris goes to greet some other people and Jensen wanders off to find Danneel. She's nowhere to be found in the kitchen or the living-room, so eventually Jensen gets another beer and decides to see if she's outside. The only other place she could be is upstairs, in one of the bedrooms, and Jensen sure as hell isn't going to look for her there.

Outside, it's a lot quieter. The music is more muted and the people milling on the porch and backyard are talking, rather than screaming to be heard. Jensen glances around, trying to spot Danneel, but he can't see her outside either. 

He's about to head back inside when a guy leaning against the porch railing catches his attention. He's standing there by himself, a beer in hand, and Jensen doesn't know him, but it only takes a glance for him to know he wants to. The guy is _pretty_. Tall – and god, Jensen loves tall guys – and slim, but his shoulders are wide, the gray t-shirt he's wearing stretched tight.

Jensen licks his lips, trying to come up with a way to start up a conversation, as he strolls over. The guy notices, watches him approach with a slightly wide-eyed look that lets Jensen know the guy knows who he is. His face is as pretty as the rest of him, expressive, and Jensen likes that.

"Hey, mind if I join you?" he settles on.

"Oh. No, of course," the guy says. "Hi."

"Hi," Jensen says with a small grin. "I'm Jensen."

"Yeah. Yeah, I know," the guy replies and laughs a little. It's a nice laugh, soft, dimples popping up on his cheeks. "I'm Jared."

"Jared. Nice to meet you," Jensen says, but he doesn't hold his hand out to shake, because it always feels like a weird, too formal thing to do at parties like this. "What are you doing out here all on your own?"

Jared is staring at him, still a little wide-eyed, and Jensen sees his Adam's apple bob as he swallows. "Uh, just wanted to get some fresh air," he says. "I… don't really know anyone. I mean, I came with a buddy, but I kinda lost him in the crowd. He does that – sees a pretty girl and kinda just disappears."

He doesn't sound bothered by it, more fond than anything, and Jensen smiles. "You've never been to one of Chris's parties then?"

"No," Jared says. "But Chris invited me."

It sounds a bit like he's worried Jensen thinks he has no reason to be there, and Jensen gives him what he hopes is a warm smile. "How do you know him?"

"He had a cameo on the show I'm on a couple of weeks ago. He and his band," Jared says.

"Hmmm, I remember him saying something about filming something. He had a couple of lines, too, right?" Jensen says and grins. "You can be honest with me, was he any good or did he suck?"

Jared gives another small laugh. "He was good," he says. "I really liked the music."

"It's not too bad," Jensen agrees and takes a sip of his beer, but keeps his eyes on Jared. He notices the beer in Jared's hand is almost empty and smiles. "Can I go get you another drink?"

"Oh," Jared says and looks down at the bottle in his hand. "You don't have to. I can get one myself. I mean – I'm not planning on hiding out here for the rest of the night or anything."

"Yeah," Jensen says. "But I'd like to go get you another drink."

He doesn't dare be any more explicit, but he can see it on Jared's face when he gets what Jensen is saying. In the dim porch light, Jensen watches Jared's cheeks color.

"I… yeah, I'd like that," Jared finally says, nodding and giving Jensen a hopeful smile.

+

They don't make it back inside, other than to get a new round of drinks. Standing in the far corner of the porch, Jensen ends up talking to Jared for over an hour. The moment Jared mentions he's from Texas too, their conversation turns into them reminiscing about home, sharing stories from their childhoods and school and moving out to L.A.

Jensen is careful to keep the conversation casual – he always is, because the last thing he wants to happen is for someone to hear him say something incriminating and then run off to the press. But despite the fact that he keeps the flirting to a minimum, he can tell Jared is obviously into him, too. It's the glances they give each other, the way they're standing just a little too close for two guys who just met, the way Jared's eyes sometimes stray to Jensen's mouth and his cheeks turn a rosy color.

It's been a long time since Jensen met someone who he wanted this much, this quickly. But he's utterly drawn to Jared. Jared's been living in L.A. for four years, working as an actor since day one, but he seems untouched by the whole business in ways few people Jensen meets are. He's sweet and young and so damn beautiful. He seems almost innocent in the way that would make Jensen's mother pat Jared's cheek and call him a good, Southern boy. 

After a while, when the round of beer Jensen got them is gone, Jared shifts. "So," he starts. "I gotta be on set tomorrow morning. I should probably head out soon."

"Oh. Okay," Jensen says, trying to hide his disappointment. The way the night had been going, he'd thought he'd end up taking Jared home. He wants to, more than anything. Wants to kiss that pretty mouth until it's all red and bruised, wants to do things to Jared to make him flush and writhe with pleasure, wants to make him fall apart. Find out if there's a wild side hidden under the sweet exterior.

"Wanna hang out sometime? You know, have dinner, maybe?" Jared asks, sounding a bit unsure.

Jensen should say no. Should try and do whatever it would take to get Jared to go home with him now and let Jensen fuck him. Jensen doesn't really _date_

+

much. Dating leads to all sorts of trouble, because someone usually ends up disappointed – Jensen doesn't really have the time for a relationship, or at least he's never been willing to make the time for one when it could end up putting his career on the line. So he's stuck to flings. But Jared is intoxicating, and Jensen feels drawn to him like a moth to a flame, and he wants to.

So he says, "Yeah, sure", and the way Jared smiles at him makes it worth it.

+

Jensen meets Jared for dinner less than a week later. They sit tucked away in the corner of the patio of a small Italian place Jensen picked. It's one of his favorite restaurants in town – far enough away from all the popular places that he can have some privacy from the paparazzi and not fancy enough to draw in the Hollywood crowd, while still being nice.

"I'm really glad you picked this place," Jared says after he glances at the menu.

"You know it?" Jensen asks.

Jared shakes his head, "No. But I was a little worried you'd pick something super fancy," he admits. "I have a few suits, but they'd probably still get me frowned upon in those places and usually I can't even pronounce the things on the menu there." 

He looks a little sheepish as he admits that, and Jensen can't help but be endeared by him. Jared reminds him a little of himself the first few years he was in Hollywood, feeling like a fish out of water and sometimes wanting nothing more than to go back home to Texas. 

"I really don't like those places," he confides, and it earns him a dimpled smile.

"Good," Jared says, and Jensen has a feeling they're off to a pretty good start.

They chat about inconsequential things for a while, but it's not awkward or forced the way small talk often is, and it doesn't take long before their food is served.

"That show of yours, what was it called again?" Jensen asks as he spears the first bite of his salad. "I know Chris mentioned the name, but I don't really watch a lot of TV."

"It's not my show. I'm, like, the tenth lead or whatever," Jared says, blushing. "Gilmore Girls." 

"Never heard of it," Jensen admits.

"Oh. Yeah," Jared says and ducks his head, and Jensen realizes it might have sounded offensive. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean that in a bad way. I'm sure it's great," he says.

"No, it's fine. It's not the kind of show I expected you to watch or anything," Jared says. "I mean, it's a good show. At least I think it's good. But, well, probably not your thing. And not that my role is super amazing. I'm just… someone's boyfriend, you know." 

Jensen chuckles. "We all started out that way," he says. "I know I did, too."

"It's my fourth year though. Four years of just being the boyfriend," Jared says and sighs a little. "I mean, I've done some movies and stuff. But nothing major. Nothing… nothing really _good_."

"That's still more than a lot of other people can say in this town." 

"Yeah," Jared says and smiles. "Thanks." 

"For what?" Jensen asks. 

"Just… most of my friends mock me for the stuff I've been in," he says. "Not in a bad way. Just… the way guys are. I'm sure I don't need to explain." 

"Guess I'm not like other guys," Jensen says, allowing his tone to be a little flirty. He gives Jared a little grin. 

"I'd say," Jared replies.

"I hope that's a good thing?"

Jared gives him an open, honest look and nods. "A really good thing," he confirms.

+

Jensen drives them back to Jared's place after dinner and they share a kiss that turns a little more heated than he anticipated. It's a little cramped in the car, the angle not perfect, but the kiss is.

Jensen's the one to make the first move, leaning across the console to cup Jared's cheek and draw him in, brushing their lips together. Slowly at first, testing the waters, and then again and again, until their tongues are sliding together and Jared's hand is resting on his thigh. 

Finally, Jensen draws back with a little laugh, breathless. "We should probably stop," he says. Jared's eyes go a little round and he glances out at the street. There's barely anyone there – a couple walking down the sidewalk across the street and there's an elderly lady with a small, white dog a few buildings over, but Jared doesn't live in a very bustling – or expensive – part of the city.

"We're good," Jensen says and cups Jared's face again, swiping his thumb slowly over his lower lip before pressing another, chaste kiss to his mouth.

"I had fun tonight," Jared murmurs.

"Me, too," Jensen says. "I'll call you?"

"Yeah," Jared agrees and smiles at Jensen before slipping out of the car. Jared turns and glances at him a couple of times, smiling, as he walks up the building and lets himself inside, and Jensen waits until the door has closed behind him, unable to take his eyes off Jared, before he starts the car.

+

They go on a second date the next week and this time, Jared comes back to Jensen's place at the end of the night.

They're kissing before Jensen can even offer Jared a drink or suggest a tour of the house, and Jared seems as eager as Jensen feels. 

"Want you," Jared murmurs between kisses, and Jensen kisses him harder, deeper, before pulling back. Taking Jared by the hand, he leads Jared upstairs to his bedroom quickly. 

It's really damn good.

Jensen wishes he was more patient, that he'd really take his time with Jared, take in every last beautiful inch of Jared. But Jared is too damn tempting to resist, and Jensen tells himself he can go slow another time. 

Jared is incredibly responsive, moaning and writhing under him as Jensen kisses a path down his chest, as he teases his nipples with his tongue, his teeth, as he strokes his hands down Jared's sides. He's not exactly loud, not a screamer, but there's an endless stream of noises spilling from his lips, letting Jensen know just how good he's making Jared feel.

"You're beautiful," he murmurs against Jared's belly, three fingers buried in Jared's ass. He twists his fingers, pressing against Jared's prostate and lets his teeth graze the soft skin under his mouth, and Jared arches up with a cry, spilling hotly over his stomach and Jensen's chin. 

"Sorry. Sorry," Jared mumbles, voice slurred, and Jensen laughs. 

"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for," he soothes, and leans down, licking at the mess of sticky come on Jared's skin. He taste salty, slightly bitter, and Jensen hums as he licks him clean. He sucks the tip of Jared's cock into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it before letting him slide into his mouth deeper, smiling at the way Jared gasps. Jared isn't soft again yet, and Jensen wraps his hand around the base, stroking Jared as he sucks him back to full hardness.

"Shit. Shit, Jensen," Jared groans above him, hips twitching and fingers twisting in Jensen's hair. Jensen pulls off him with a pop and nuzzles Jared's cock, kisses down the length of it before brushing his lips against Jared's hipbone.

"I wanna fuck you," he murmurs.

"Yeah," Jared agrees around a loud moan, and splays his legs wider around Jensen. "C—condom?"

Jensen sits back up and gives Jared's hip a squeeze. "Of course, baby," he says and retrieves the box he keeps in the nightstand. 

Jensen rolls a condom down his dick and slicks himself up with lube, before glancing at Jared. Jared is watching him, eyes dark and cheeks flushed pink.

"You good or do you need more prep?" Jensen asks, because he's not small and he has no idea how often Jared does this. 

"'m good," Jared says, and he draws his legs up. Jensen helps him position them around his waist, before he guides his cock to Jared's hole. He presses in slowly, watches Jared's face for any sign up discomfort. Jared's watching him, mouth parted, panting, no trace of pain on his face, and Jensen doesn't stop until he's buried all the way inside Jared. He's hot and tight, gripping him perfectly, and Jensen moans lowly as he starts rolling his hips, thrusts gradually becoming broader, deeper.

Soon, Jared grabs his arms, holds on to him as their bodies move together, Jared's legs tight around him as if he's trying to get Jensen deeper inside of him, or maybe hold him where he is forever. Jensen smears a wet kiss against Jared's slack mouth, then his cheek, murmurs against his skin, "So good. So good for me, baby."

Sweat is beading on his forehead, his muscles starting to tremble, and their soft moans and gasps mix between them as Jensen pumps his hips, fucks Jared deep and hard. Jared reaches between them, starts stroking himself, and works himself to completion almost at the same time as Jensen comes, buried deep inside of him.

+

"Stay," Jensen murmurs later, lying in a sweaty tangle of limbs with Jared, the buzz slowly wearing off and leaving behind the bone-deep feeling of satisfaction.

"Mmm, yeah, okay," Jared agrees, mouth sliding against Jensen's collarbone. "Gonna need to text my roommate and tell him to take care of my dogs."

Jensen hums. "Ten more minutes. Don't think I can move yet," he says and feels Jared smile against his skin.

+

They keep seeing each other.

It's not easy, because they're both busy, and while Jared is usually in L.A., Jensen travels a lot. He has a small part in a movie that his friend Felicia wrote, which shoots in New York and he's gone for two weeks, and then he has to take a couple of shorter trips for promotional stuff.

He finds himself texting Jared during the day a lot, and they talk on the phone sometimes. When he's back in L.A. they grab dinner and lunch a few times, though most of their dates take place at Jensen's house.

Jared tentatively asks if he can bring the dogs one day and when Jensen says yes he still checks twice more to make sure Jensen really doesn't mind.

Harley and Sadie are whirlwinds, but they're absolute sweethearts, and they kind of remind Jensen of Jared. They throw some steaks onto the barbeque, while the dogs race around the backyard.

"Don't jump onto the couch," Jared tells them sternly when they head inside later, and then looks at the floor in dismay, where the dogs are leaving behind dirty paw prints. "I'll clean that up."

"It's no big deal," Jensen assures him. "I don't mind."

"Dogs and nice houses don't really go well together," Jared says with a sigh.

Jensen catches Jared by the hips, drawing him closer to him and grins, "Well, I like things a little dirty," he drawls.

Jared snorts. "Oh yeah?"

"Want me to prove it to you?" he murmurs and leans up for a kiss.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay," Jared says, winding his arms around Jensen's neck, the dogs obviously forgotten.

+

Jensen wakes up to his phone buzzing on his nightstand, the vibrations making it knock against the bedside table loudly. Mind still fuzzy, he reaches for it, but it stops before he can pick up.

Squinting, Jensen glances at the screen. He has several missed calls and texts. Which mostly turn out to be from his management and PR people. Knowing that's not a good sign, Jensen sighs and gets up. 

He makes himself some coffee, sitting down with the mug, before he calls his manager back.

"What's up with terrorizing me this early in the morning?" he grumbles when Jeff picks up after two rings.

"I'd tell you to go online and see for yourself," Jeff starts. "But I'm guessing you haven't had coffee yet and I doubt you wanna look at pics of yourself making out with some guy all over the internet."

Jensen's stomach drops, twists. "What?"

"You gone and fucked up, kiddo," Jeff says and sighs. "I mean, there's nothing wrong with liking guys. You know that. But that probably wasn't the best way to finally announce it, man."

"Please tell me you're kidding," Jensen whispers. "Jeff?"

"I wish I was, but no," Jeff replies. "It's not the end of the world, Jensen."

"No, no, it _is_ ," Jensen replies harshly, and he feels bad for it instantly because Jeff doesn't deserve his anger, but he feels like the ground has been ripped out from under him. He's been hiding this for twelve years, always being careful, and he's not sure he intended for this to _ever_ come out. 

"Jensen," Jeff says gently. "Hey, don't freak out me."

"There's a reason I spent over ten years trying really hard not to come out, Jeff," Jensen points out. He looks down at his mug, the steaming coffee, and wishes he was the kind of person to throw tantrums, so he could throw it against the wall, make it shatter the way his whole damn life seems to be shattering apart right in that moment. Maybe it would make him feel better.

"Well, too late now," Jeff says. "And it's _okay_. I'm not saying this is going to be a great career boost, but your PR team and I are working on it, kiddo. In fact, if Lauren Cohan calls me one more time, I might strangle her."

"Please don't," Jensen say. "I don't need my name attached to a murder, too."

Jeff laughs. "Okay. Fine," he says. "We need to you to come in, okay? Discuss things, decide what to do now. Be in my office in two hours?"

Jensen rubs his eyes, nodding even though Jeff can't see him. "I can do that."

"Okay, great," Jeff says. "And Jensen? Maybe turn your phone of for a while, okay?"

"Yeah," Jensen says.

+

Jensen is, apparently, a masochist, because he checks the internet before leaving. He doesn't even have to look long, just has to google the first gossip magazine that pops into his head and click on the link and there the pictures are, right at the very top of the page.

Him and Jared kissing on a dark street corner the night before. They'd gone out, had a few drinks, before Jared had to go to a friend's birthday party and they'd parted ways. 

The pictures are pretty good quality, too – good enough that he can't possibly deny it's him, even though he's wearing a baseball cap that's keeping half of his face hidden. They make it look like more than it was, like they'd been making out for minutes instead of sharing a quick, pretty harmless kiss. A few seconds at best. 

And Jensen is an idiot for kissing Jared in public, but it had been a quiet street, and he'd thought they'd been alone and Jared had looked so damn kissable, wearing a soft, black hoodie, hair curling around his ears.

Jensen hadn't been able to resist, hadn't even given it much thought before kissing Jared good night and then heading for his car. He'd thought nothing of it, sure as hell hadn't expected _this_ to happen.

He thinks about calling Jared for a second, but he's not sure what to say, and he knows Jared was probably out late last night, most likely got drunk with his friends, too. He wants to let him be blissfully unaware of this for a little while longer, and maybe by the time he wakes up – no doubt hung-over – Jensen and his team will have figured something out.

+

Jensen gets to Jeff's office early, but Lauren, Katie, Richard – all part of his PR team – are already there. Jensen can't remember the last time he was faced with all three of them. Usually it's just Lauren and her assistant that he meets up with, and most of the time it's because she wants to talk him into doing something that will make people notice him, not because they have to fix a mess Jensen made. Jensen doesn't make messes – not for the world to see, at least.

Jeff pulls him into a quick hug, murmurs, "Relax, kiddo," into his ear.

Jensen nods and goes to shake Lauren's, Katie's and Richard's hands before sitting down at the table next to Jeff. Jeff's secretary brings him a coffee.

"So, I probably can't say that wasn't me, huh?" Jensen says, trying to sound light. 

Jeff is the only one who cracks a smile.

"Don't think that'll get you anywhere," he says.

Jensen sighs. "So, how far down the drain is my career?" he asks, and looks at Lauren, knowing she's the one to most likely give it to him straight.

"Actually," Lauren says. "We think we can turn this around."

There's a pleased smile on her face by the time she finishes the sentence and that, more than anything, makes Jensen feel uneasy. Lauren's good at her job, but more than once Jensen has wondered if she really is the right person to lead his PR team for him. For most people in Hollywood, she'd be an absolute dream come true. She's smart and cunning and full of ideas. But Jensen's needs don't always quite match with Lauren's vision for him.

"How?" he asks, almost a little scared.

"Look, Jensen, being gay at this time and age? It's not the end of the world anymore. They're not going to chase you out of town," Lauren says. "But let's not kid ourselves, society hasn't come as far as we'd like to believe. This _will_ affect your career." 

Katie and Richard nod. Jensen glances at Jeff, finds him frowning, watching Lauren closely. 

"It's not something you can just gloss over," Lauren continues. "The fact that you're gay is something that'll always be attached to you now. So why not use it to your advantage?"

Jensen winces at that. "Use it to my advantage how?" he asks, and Lauren grins at him.

"You know what people love more than a good scandal?" she asks.

Jensen picks up his coffee and takes a sip, just to give himself something to do. "I'm sure you're about to tell me."

"Romance. Love stories. The grander, the better," Katie chimes in. Lauren beams.

"You're kidding, right?" Jensen asks. He looks at Jeff again, and while Jeff doesn't look happy, he doesn't look like he's about to disagree either. Jensen feels his stomach sink.

"Absolutely not," Lauren says. "Look, you can go back to being your usual, hermit self and let this destroy your career, or you can take this and make people fall in love with you."

"So, what, be the new Brad and Angelina?"

"Yes. But maybe without all the kids and weirdness and messy divorce," Lauren says. 

Jensen sighs and rubs his face. He looks at Jeff. "Please tell me it's a joke."

Jeff shrugs a little helplessly. "Afraid not, kiddo."

"Look, it's not that big a deal. We can handle a lot of it, you just go on some public dates, mention how happy and in love you are with," Lauren stops and glances at her notebook. "Jared?"

"Yeah," Jensen confirms.

"So, you and Jared show the world how happy you are. Make them forget about the gay thing and focus on the romance instead. Tweet a little, post pictures of the two of you on instagram," Lauren says, "Maybe take him to some nice vacation spots, buy him some nice things, be the romantic boyfriend every woman dreams of. Everyone does it, Jensen. Half of the relationships in this town are a farce."

"Well, I'm not everyone," Jensen replies, pushing the cup of coffee away a little. He feels a headache coming on, the tension settling in his shoulders. What Lauren is suggesting is his worst nightmare – Jensen came to L.A. to act, but never for this. Never to share his entire life with the world, to be out in public. 

"Well, you better start being like everyone else if you don't want to kiss your career goodbye, honey," Lauren says. "You have respect in the business, Jensen, because you're a good actor. But you don't really have fans."

Jensen knows she's exaggerating. He has fans. Maybe not like those teen heartthrobs do or genre actors, but he has fans, people who like his work. "Thanks," he mutters. 

"You need fans if you don't want to only play gay sidekicks from now on," Lauren presses. "The kind of people that will go see your movies, that guarantee that having you in a movie will make it successful, because they'll show up for you."

"I can do my job," Jeff chimes in. "Jensen isn't going to be typecast as the gay whatever, Lauren."

"And I can do mine. Let me do it, Jeffrey," Lauren replies. "Your boy got himself into this mess, I'm trying to get him out of it."

"So, say I do this," Jensen says. "Play this whole game—"

"He is your boyfriend, right? It's not a game," Lauren says.

"Well it sounds like one to me," Jensen says. "But whatever. My point is, who says Jared wants to do this?"

"We'll talk to his people," Lauren says, not sounding too worried. "Don't worry about it. There's nothing standing in the way of you becoming America's next power couple, Jensen. It'll be _great_ , you'll see."

Jensen sighs, but gives a terse nod. He doesn't really have much of a choice, he thinks. He was hoping Lauren would find a way to fix this, to make it better instead of worse, but it seems this is the only route he can possibly take at this moment if he doesn't want to hurt his career. 

"Let me talk to Jared," he says. He's worked too hard for this, invested too much of his time and strength in getting to where he is to toss it away.

+

Jensen calls Jared the second he gets out of the meeting, sitting in his truck outside Jeff's office.

"So, how's your morning going?" he jokes weakly when Jared picks up.

Jared laughs awkwardly. "Could be better," he admits. 

"Yeah, I just got out of a meeting with my team. It kinda sucked." 

"Yeah, I had one of those too," Jared says.

Jensen rests his forehead against the steering wheel and sighs. "God. I'm sorry." 

"It takes two, Jensen." 

"Yeah, but I'm really sorry. Because I gotta ask you something," Jensen says, assuming it's probably better to come right out and ask Jared, instead of beating around the bush.

"Shoot," Jared says, sounding a little wary. 

"My PR team thinks it'd be a good idea to turn this into one of those fucking Hollywood stories."

"What?" Jared asks, laughing a little, and at least he's still laughing. It makes Jensen's stomach twist funnily. 

"You know. Be the most in love, happy, annoyingly cute couple in the world," Jensen says. "Divert the attention from us being gay by making it into a big tale of romance or some shit."

"So, get people invested in us as a couple?" Jared asks.

"Yeah, I suppose." 

Jared hums. "You must hate it." 

Jensen snorts. "I do," he agrees. "But I kinda like my career." 

"Yeah," Jared says, quietly. 

"But I can't do this on my own. I need you to be on board with it, too," Jensen says. "And you don't have to. Absolutely not. I just told them I'd run it by you. I'm not happy about this, Jared, and I don't really want to do it, but I just… don't have a better idea, either." 

"Can I think about it?" Jared asks softly, like he's not sure what the answer will be.

"Yeah. Yeah, of course," Jensen assures him. "No pressure, okay?"

"Thanks." 

Jensen leans back into his seat, tipping his head back and staring up at the cab's ceiling. He still feels uneasy, though at least the panic has ebbed away, and hearing Jared's voice is calming him down a little, too. 

"Jay… wanna come over tonight?" he asks. "Or, well, there'll probably be paparazzi camped outside my house. But maybe we can meet somewhere else. A hotel." 

"I'll come over." 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah. Secret's already out anyway, right?" Jared asks.

"Right," Jensen says, and he doesn't sound happy about it at all.

+

"I'll do it," Jared says. He's just made it inside, standing in the entryway of Jensen's place. Harley and Sadie have already rushed off into the living-room, and Jensen was just leaning in for a kiss, but he draws back now.

"What?" 

"The plan your PR people cooked up," Jared explains. "I'm in." 

"Are you sure?" Jensen asks, and Jared nods. "Okay. I barely even told you anything about it, Jared. Don't you want to know the details first?"

"I can guess." 

"Still." 

"Jensen, it's your career. And mine," Jared says, sounding calm even though he looks tired, like this whole thing has zapped all the energy from him. Jensen hopes the partying and drinking are to blame for at least some of that, because he hates the thought of being the reason Jared is looking like this. "And how bad can it be, right?" 

"I don't know," Jensen admits.

"Hey, we can do this, right? They're not asking us to do anything bad," Jared says and closes the bit of space between them. Jensen slides arms around his waist, tugging him in against him.

Jared doesn't sound happy about it, and Jensen just appreciates him even more. Appreciates that Jared isn't all excited about this either, because he doubts he could handle it if he was. At least this way, it feels like they're in this together, on the same team.

+

Lauren writes the statement for him, confirming that those pictures are of Jensen and that he's indeed gay and in a happy, committed relationship. Jensen tweaks it a little and Lauren tweaks his tweaks until it's almost back to sounding the way it did before, and Jensen gives in and lets her release it the next day.

That's the easy part.

Apparently Jensen's sexuality is a bigger deal than him winning an Oscar, because he gets more attention in the next few days than ever before. His coming out is covered by every news outlet in the country, it seems, and his and Jared's faces are plastered on print and online magazines everywhere.

Jensen can't even leave his house without having a gaggle of paparazzi following him everywhere, and his team has to field endless requests for interviews and statements. 

Jensen has to explain the whole thing to his family, too, which is just plain weird. They know he's been seeing someone, but he doesn't want them to think it's already a lot more serious than it is and going on for longer than they thought. He wants to at least be honest with them, even if he can't be honest with most other people.

Before the buzz can even begin to calm down, Jared sends out a tweet, a simple "It's been a weird few days, but thank you to everyone who has shown support for me and Jensen. We appreciate it." 

Jensen has a lot more followers on twitter, but he rarely ever tweets and Lauren thought it would seem more natural for Jared to do it, since he's always on there. Jensen is more than happy with the arrangement and simply likes and retweets the tweet, right after following Jared on all social media platforms they both use. 

They get a startling amount of replies coming in, and Jensen only skims a few – good and bad – before tossing the phone aside. 

"I hate this," he says.

Jared, who is curled up on the other end of the couch, his feet tucked under Jensen's thighs, shifts, his expression drawn. There's a movie playing on TV, but neither of them are paying any attention to it. "I know," he says.

Jensen sighs. "It makes me feel kinda dirty. Doesn't it make you feel dirty, doing this?"

"We didn't even lie yet," Jared points out. "I mean, I do feel grateful for people supporting us. So that's true."

"Yeah, but the statement? About how damn happy and in love we are? That was a bunch of bullshit," Jensen says and grimaces. 

Jared presses his lips together, looking down at his hands and Jensen instantly feels guilty for the way he phrased it. 

"Jay. I didn't mean… " 

"It's okay, I get it," Jared says, and Jensen is not sure he does. Does he love Jared? No. It's too soon for that. But he could, one day, he thinks. He _adores_ Jared, likes spending time with him more than with most other people in his life and that says a lot, but it's not love yet. Jensen doesn't fall in love easily; he needs time, needs to let things develop slowly.

Not sure how to apologize for something he did mean, even if it didn't come out quite right, Jensen shifts and scoots over to Jared's side of the couch, leaning in to kiss him softly. "Baby," he murmurs. 

"Hmm?" 

"Know what would make me feel less dirty right now?"

"What?" Jared asks, quirking one eyebrow up.

Jensen grins and cups his cheek. "Sucking your cock and then fucking you right here on the couch," he murmurs. 

Jared laughs, a little choked, and nods. "Kiss me again first," he demands and Jensen happily obliges.

+

Their first outing as a couple is a dinner date. They go to a disgustingly fancy restaurant that happens to be very 'in' and has paparazzi parked outside.

Jensen can practically feel how uncomfortable Jared is as he leads him inside with a hand on the small of Jared's back, and the atmosphere inside does nothing to ease the tension in either of them. 

It's too nice, too pretentious, too much everything they're not. Jensen plasters on a polite smile as the maître d' greets them and, glancing at Jared, all dimples and sweet smiles, he thinks maybe he's not the one who deserves an Academy Award. He's pretty sure he's the only one who can tell how much Jared hates being here and it doesn't get better when they're seated and given menus. It's a French restaurant, and while there are English translations on the menu, the names of the meals are all in French and Jensen remembers what Jared told him on their first date.

Jensen leans in across the table. "Let me order for you," he murmurs.

"You speak French?" Jared asks.

"No. But I've been to a few French restaurants over the years for work stuff. Enough times that I can pronounce the things I like," he says. "If you don't order anything too weird, I'll manage."

Jared nods, and Jensen doesn't tell him he'd be willing to butcher the names he can't pronounce too and make a fool of himself if it would make Jared look a little more at ease.

The food is pretty damn good, at least, though the portions are tiny. They have a nice wine with their dinner and Jensen tries to ignore the glances they get from some of the other patrons and just enjoy Jared's company.

He holds Jared's hand when they leave, and in the car he leans over and kisses Jared, knowing they can be seen.

+

Lauren sends them lists of things she thinks they should do, from tweets and instagram posts to dates and mundane activities they should do where they'll "just happen" to be seen. She briefs them on the right things to say and the way to act around each other as if they're idiots.

The lists, she says, are just suggestions, but Jensen knows they're expected to do a fair amount of the things on them. 

Sometimes, Jensen wonders why he's doing this, why he's letting someone else run his life, when Lauren's the one working for him not the other way around. But he can't deny the plan is working; the more they go out, get seen, the more excitement they seem to generate. Jensen gets more mentions in gossip magazines than in all of his years in the public eye before combined and he only has to skim the comments he gets on twitter and instagram a little to realize the lack of fans doesn't seem to be a problem anymore. 

Every tweet garners a staggering number of replies, retweets and likes now and he notices that people on the internet start calling him and Jared 'J2'. At least that's better than fucking Brangelina, he thinks bitterly.

"You have a fandom now," Lauren says, happily, one day, and Jensen is too exhausted by the entire charade to even ask what the hell that means. Given how pleased she seems, he figures it must be a good thing.

"They think we're _so cute_ ," Jared says after posting a picture together one afternoon. They're both wearing button downs, looking fresh-faced and happy. "Date night at home with the bf," Jared tagged the picture. 

Jensen looks down at them; the nice button-down shirts they threw on just for the photo are paired with gym shorts and they look _ridiculous_.

"They wouldn't if they saw the entire get-up," he says. 

It's all fake and Jensen thought he knew how Hollywood worked, but he had no idea how bad it really was. How wrong it feels to do this.

It's all sweet tweets that Lauren mostly writes for them or at least okays first. It's dates that they don't want to be on. It's pictures of a dinner Jared supposedly cooked for them – he didn't – and roses Jensen bought for Jared – he did, but only because Jared needed them for the photo. It's interviews where Jensen talks about stuff that didn't really happen and lies about how he envisions his future with Jared, when he really has no clue if this is even a serious relationship that will last.

+

Eventually, offers for movies come trickling in that Jensen can tell have nothing to do with him and his acting abilities, and everything to do with the crowd he can draw in. It doesn't matter that the projects aren't right for him, that he probably wouldn't do a good job because the roles don't suit him – actor Jensen has become replaced by celebrity Jensen, or so the bitter voice in his head whispers.

His name is now enough to get an audience, because everyone knows who he is and he's building up a decently sized fanbase he didn't really have before. Those fans would pay to see him in movies, regardless of how good they are, and he guesses there are equally as many people who would see those movies hoping to watch him fail miserably. 

Jared gets more offers, too – smaller stuff and a lot of TV gigs.

"I even got a few offers to model," he tells Jensen one night, curled up in bed with him. 

Jensen snorts. 

"Hey. Thanks, asshole," Jared says, kicking Jensen under the sheets. 

"Sorry. Baby, you're gorgeous, but I think models are supposed to be coordinated and graceful and shit," Jensen points out. 

Jared pouts and Jensen curves his hand around Jared's jaw and kisses the frown off his mouth.

"I like you clumsy, you big oaf," he murmurs.

"That's not a compliment, Jensen," Jared complains, and Jensen grins. He rolls Jared over onto his back and settles between his legs, dipping down to kiss him again.

"You're the hottest fucking thing I've ever seen," he murmurs and slides one hand down, squeezing the subtle curve of Jared's hip. "With the best goddamn butt in Hollywood."

"Liar," Jared says.

"Nah," Jensen says and scatters kisses along Jared's jaw. "All perky and tight and perfect, baby."

"Hmm, keep going then," Jared says, and Jensen bites playfully at his jaw. He has no problem obliging though – the list of things he finds attractive about Jared is pretty damn long.

+

"You know what the worst thing about things like this is?" Jensen says, leaning into Jared's side so nobody else hears him. He twists the stem of his champagne glass between his fingers, glancing around the room.

They're at a charity gala, and while Jensen is all for supporting charities, he hates events like this. All the schmoozing and ass-kissing makes his skin crawl and the money that is being raised is just a fraction of what all the designer dresses and sparkling diamonds that are being worn to show off, to get attention, cost. 

Jared slides his arm around Jensen's shoulder. "What?" he asks.

"That we can't get stupidly drunk, because I'm pretty sure that would make it more bearable."

"Yeah," Jared says. "Wanna go back to your place and get wasted after?"

"Fuck yeah," Jensen agrees.

"And stop at a drive-in first. My stomach is _hurting_ , I'm so damn hungry."

"Poor baby," Jensen murmurs and pouts at him. 

"Shut up," Jared says and Jensen grins, leaning up to kiss Jared. Even with his eyes closed, he can feel the bright lights of cameras going off, and he draws back. 

"I hate Lauren," he mutters. "I swear, if we have to go to one more premiere or party this month, I will go crazy."

Jared winces. "I think there's something she wants us to go to next Thursday. I can't remember what it was, I wasn't really listening when she told me about it."

"I never do. For my sanity and her safety," Jensen says and takes a sip of the champagne before glancing at his watch, counting down the hours they have left before they can duck out of the event without getting an angry phone call from Lauren the next day.

+

Jensen is really starting to feel exhausted by the whole thing.

He's worked steadily since he came to L.A. at eighteen. For a while, once things started going well, he booked projects back to back, flying from one shoot to another. And even then he didn't feel this tired, this drained.

He and Jared seem to always be out and about these days, whenever they get some time off together.

And they're both busy with work, too. Jensen shoots a movie in L.A. and Jared's character on Gilmore Girls gets written into storylines more, bumping his usual hours at work up significantly. Whatever time they do have together is always filled with PR stuff. Even when it's not, Jensen feels the effects of their public relationship: he can't leave the house without feeling the need to plaster on a fake, bright smile, knowing someone is probably watching him.

He can tell Jared is different too – a little quieter, a little more subdued. Things are good between them when they're alone, in his house, but everything feels off when they're not. Jensen misses the guy he met at the party months ago, the sweet, carefree guy who seemed so entirely untouched by Hollywood. Now Jared picks what he wears more carefully, smiles more carefully too. He talks less, doesn't gesture with his hands wildly when he does, keeps his voice softer when they're out and about.

+

Jensen has Jared on his lap, his chest plastered to Jared's back, and Jared's legs splayed around his. He fucks up into Jared with small, fast thrusts, hands gripping Jared's hips.

"Let me hear you," he murmurs, biting at Jared's shoulder, then soothing the sting with his lips. "Please, baby."

"Jen—Jensen," Jared stutters out, and moans. But it's quiet, soft, and Jensen wants to make him scream, make him gasp and whimper. 

"No, come on," he urges and nuzzles Jared's neck. "Louder, sweetheart. Tell me how it feels. Does it feel good?"

"Yeah," Jared pants.

"Yeah?" Jensen asks, his own breath coming out short, quick. He keeps rocking up, grinding up into Jared. "How good? Come on, Jay."

Jared squirms on top of him, making small, needy noises. "Jensen," he says, and Jensen knows he won't be getting much more out of him. 

He misses his chatter, the way Jared can ramble on and on about things, never shutting up. He misses how much more uninhibited Jared was when they fucked at first, the noises he made then. He's holding back now, and it's making Jensen worry. About Jared, about them. And he's not really sure what to do about it. 

Both of them are stressed out, neither of them is really happy with their current arrangement, but Jensen doesn't know how to change it, how to make it better.

Not wanting to push Jared any further, Jensen kisses his neck, slides one arm up so it rests on Jared's belly, and curls the other hand around his cock. "Come for me then, sweetheart," he murmurs.

+

The movie in L.A. wraps up quickly, a low-budget indie production that didn't take more than a few weeks to film, and Jensen has a week off before he has to go to Vancouver for another project.

He feels bad for almost being excited about getting to leave L.A. and the whole shitshow behind, because it would mean being excited about leaving Jared behind and he isn't. 

He likes Jared. He likes him more than he's ever liked a guy before. Despite the chaos around them, he's invested in their relationship. It's just that he hates every single moment they spend together outside of his house – hates how they have people follow them, take their picture. How Jensen feels like he has to watch everything he says and does, and the carefully choreographed things they do. The cute kisses they share, the way they always make sure to hold hands whether it comes naturally or not, the sappy looks they give each other. 

Vancouver means a break from all of that, and Jensen knows he needs it. It's been wearing at him, and each event they had to go to had felt harder and harder.

He takes Jared out to dinner the night before his flight leaves, an 'intimate' little restaurant that Lauren recommended. Jensen feels like there's nothing intimate about the way people are staring at them and the paparazzi waiting outside. 

He feels on edge all evening, moody, and it's only when they're back at his house that he feels better. 

The sex that night is almost desperate, fingers clutching and clawing, hips rocking together furiously. Jensen fucks Jared deep, kisses him messily, and can't help the neediness bubbling inside of him. He wants to leave, wants to get away, but not from this. This, right here, when the whole scam their relationship is doesn't matter, when he can be himself, have Jared to himself. When he can bury himself deep inside Jared's body, when he knows every reaction from Jared is genuine and the pleasure he feels is real. Those are moments Jensen cherishes, and he wishes he could take Jared with him, have this, and leave all the rest behind.

He knows Jared will drive him to the airport the next morning – and Lauren will have tipped the paparazzi off –, but this feels like their real goodbye. It'll only be a couple of months, and Jensen will fly back into L.A. a few times, but he still has a funny feeling about leaving.

After tossing the condom and cleaning them up, Jensen curls himself up against Jared and pulls him back against his chest. "I'll miss seeing your pretty face, baby," he murmurs, tangling their legs.

"Yeah?" Jared says with a small laugh.

"Hmm, yeah," he says, and Jared sighs.

"Don't forget all about me up there," he says, and Jensen can't really tell if he's joking or not, even if the tone of his voice is light.

"Don't think I can," he says, and kisses Jared's cheek before settling down. 

Sleep doesn't come easily to him that night.

+

Jensen has to do some press for a movie he shot the year before, so he spends two consecutive weekends in New York, while shooting during the week in Vancouver, and it's three weeks before he makes it back to Los Angeles.

It's not three weeks of no media circus – not quite. Jared tweets a photo of the dogs at him, with the caption "they miss you" and Jensen spends an entire lunch break mulling over whether that's genuine or something Lauren cooked. He still tweets some cutesy reply about how he'll buy them milk bones when he comes back. 

Jensen tweets about Gilmore Girls the first Tuesday in Vancouver, telling people to "go watch my boy" even though he still hasn't seen a single episode of the show himself. He shares a picture of him and Jared that they took before they accidentally got outed for a throw back Thursday – and that's a thing he didn't even know about before. Jared posts one of just Jensen on a Monday and Jensen actually has to google the hashtag Jared added to find out it means "Man Crush Monday" and he tries very hard not to question how genuine that caption is this time. He has some whiskey that night and then calls Jared, jerking off the to sound of Jared's sweet moans while Jensen tells him in detail just what he wants to do to that mouth of his. 

He feels torn between not wanting to go back to L.A. and wanting to be back with Jared. It's the longing he feels for him though that makes him realize he _is_ in love with Jared, but he's still not sure how real things between them are, if there's a chance they can really work out while keeping up Lauren's charade.

On the third weekend after leaving, he finally goes back to L.A. and he finds himself actually looking forward to it. He flies in Friday evening after a short day of filming and barely has time to shower and change before a limo comes to collect him. Jared is already waiting inside.

Jensen pulls him into a hug, a bit awkward since they're both seated, and when he turns to kiss him, he only manages to catch Jared's cheek.

"Hey. I missed you," he murmurs.

"Yeah," Jared replies, but his voice sounds dull.

It's a weird evening. Jensen isn't sure what he was expecting from a dinner Lauren set up, but it was more than this. Jared is pretty quiet through their entire thing, and his smile is so forced Jensen doubts he's the only one who can see past it this time. He barely eats anything either, just fiddles with the food – and it's a small enough portion to begin with – and doesn't touch his wine.

When their waiter asks if he should bring out the dessert menu, Jensen decides they've had enough and just shakes his head and asks for the check.

Jared obviously doesn't want to be here, and Jensen doesn't want to make him sit there any longer than he has to. He doubts they're selling the "epic romance" story to anyone tonight anyway.

+

The limo has barely pulled away from the curb when Jensen turns towards Jared.

"What's going on with you?" he asks, trying to sound calm.

He doesn't get an answer. One moment, he's looking at Jared's profile, thinking Jared looks pretty damn pale, and then suddenly Jared is doubling over and throwing up. It happens so quickly, there's nothing either of them can do, and Jared mumbles, "Oh god," between heaves.

Jensen reaches out and rubs his back, puke splattered on both of their shoes and the sour stench of vomit filling the air.

"It's okay," he murmurs. "It's okay, sweetheart."

"Yeah, this is really dignifying," Jared hiccups. He heaves again, but nothing comes out, and eventually the sounds turn into harsh pants.

"Why didn't you tell me you were sick?" Jensen asks quietly. "We shouldn't have gone out."

"You're only here for two and a half days. Gotta make the most of it," Jared mumbles, and the words make Jensen's heart twist.

Lauren can fucking pay for the clean-up, Jensen thinks, and starts patting his pockets down in search of a handkerchief.

+

"I can go back to mine," Jared offers when Jensen leads him up to his bedroom, but it comes out weak. His voice is slurred, like he's tipsy even though Jensen knows he didn't drink even one sip of alcohol. Jensen thinks he must be running a fever, and Jared feels a little warm too, though not alarmingly so yet.

"Shhh," he hushes and ushers Jared into the bedroom. He helps him out of his suit, as gently as he can.

In the bathroom, he keeps a careful hand on Jared's hip while Jared washes his mouth out with water. 

He helps Jared into bed and then gets a bucket for Jared, some meds, before he curls up under the sheets with him. 

Jared passes out with his head on Jensen's shoulder while Jensen rubs his back comfortingly. He hates that Jared is this sick – and that he felt the need to go out with him anyway – but if Jensen is honest with himself, for a moment he worried something else was going on with Jared. That he wanted out, wanted to break up. 

And god, Jensen doesn't want that. Despite how bad things have been, he doesn't want this thing between Jared and him to be over. Especially now that he's finally realized he has feelings for Jared that run deeper than lust and affection.

He wants them to work out. And he's going to fight for them, if he has to.

+

"How do you feel?" Jensen asks when Jared wakes up the next morning, blinking tiredly up at him. Jensen's been up for a good two hours. He's already had two cups of coffee, called Chad, Jared's roommate, to ask him to take care of the dogs, and has replied to a bunch of emails, sitting on the bed next to a sleeping Jared with his laptop.

"I feel okay," Jared says, though his voice sounds a bit thin. "Gotta go hit the bathroom."

"Need any help?" Jensen asks, and Jared shakes his head. Jensen watches him carefully as he gets out of bed and when he comes back, he looks pale and shaky.

"So, you're okay, huh?" Jensen asks.

"Yeah," Jared replies.

"Liar," Jensen says fondly. "You're spending the day in bed, sweetheart. If you're not better by this afternoon, I'm calling a doctor."

"We have a thing tonight," Jared says, sitting down on the side of the bed. "And I need to get my hair cut before, so I should really get up."

"What thing?"

"Some premiere," Jared says.

"Jay, that's not happening," Jensen says, and pulls the sheets aside. "Come on, lie back down."

"But Lauren--"

"No but, and screw Lauren," Jensen says and to his horror he watches Jared's face crumple and he starts crying. It's not the 'he's sick and it's making him emotional and kind of weepy' type of crying, but full-out, ugly sobs.

"Hey. Hey, no," Jensen murmurs. He scoots closer to sit next to Jared, pulls him against him and strokes his back. It takes a few moments until Jared calms down a little. And god, Jensen really hates it then: this whole thing, this situation they're in. The fact that Jared feels like he has to go places, be a perfect boyfriend for the media to see, even though he's sick and miserable. The fact that Jensen questions everything, every moment they have when all he wants is to have this. That Jared is crying because he feels like he has to go out, has to follow Lauren's plan.

"We're really messing this up, huh?" he asks quietly.

Jared presses his face into his neck and shakes his head.

"Yeah, we are. Don't lie to me," Jensen says sadly and kisses Jared's head, tightening his arms around him.

+

Jensen coaxes Jared into lying down with him again after a while. He holds him and cards his fingers through Jared's hair, strokes his back until Jared's sniffles quieten down.

It's only when Jared seems calm again that he pulls back, shifts so he can lay his head on the pillow and look at Jared. He wipes traces of tears away from his cheeks, carefully touches Jared's cheekbone, the spot where he knows Jared's dimples would be if he was smiling. 

He lets himself remember how goddamn attracted he is to this man, how he'd been drawn like a moth to a flame the moment he laid eyes on him – he feels like he has forgotten that way too often over the past few months, unless it's been about sex. Everything else between them has become about the show they're putting on for the world, and he's pushed so many other things aside for that. Like this, these quiet moments, where it's just them and Jensen feels things for Jared he's never felt for anyone. Even now, with his eyes red from crying, his hair a tangled, sweaty mess, his skin too pale, Jensen can't take his eyes off him.

"What are you doing?" Jared asks.

"Just looking."

Jared laughs softly. "I bet I look _great_ right now."

Jensen bites back a sappy reply about how Jared is the goddamn most beautiful thing he's ever seen. Instead he just smiles softly and leans in, brushing their lips together.

"I'm sick," Jared mumbles against his lips.

Jensen cups his jaw, strokes his thumb over Jared's cheek. "You think I care? It's been three weeks since I kissed you," he replies, and brings their lips together again and slides them together slowly, not even bothered by the fact that Jared's lips are dry and he tastes pretty damn awful. 

Jared pushes him away after a few moments.

"You okay?"

"Just feeling a bit queasy. I already threw up on you once, that's enough," Jared says and then, as if remembering, he flushes and shifts onto his stomach, hiding his face in the pillows. "God, I threw up in a limo and all over your shoes."

Jensen snickers, kisses the side of Jared's neck. "You're sick, sweetheart," he says. "You're allowed."

"Still embarrassing."

"Just a little," Jensen teases, and god, why don't they have more mornings like this? "I'll go make myself more coffee. You want anything?"

"Coffee too, please?" Jared asks, turning his head and peeking at him,

"How about some tea, since I'm the one who has to clean it up when it comes back up?" Jensen suggests and laughs a little at the face Jared makes.

+

Jensen refills his coffee and has a piece of toast while he waits for the water to boil. He brings both mugs back upstairs and gets back into bed with Jared once again. He's barely settled down when his phone buzzes and he glances at it to see Lauren's name on the display.

"Lauren," he tells Jared and drops the phone back down, turning towards Jared. "I'll call her back later." 

"She's going to be pissed about tonight." 

Jensen sighs. "Baby, we're not working for her, she's working for us," he reminds Jared.

"For you." 

"Fine, for me. Doesn't change the fact that we don't have to do everything she says." 

Jared runs a thumb over edge of sheets, twisting the material under his finger, and rolls his lower lip between his teeth. "Jensen?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I really hate this. I didn't think it'd be so bad, so exhausting. But I'm so tired of it," he admits quietly.

"Me, too," Jensen says. "So remind me again why we're doing this?" 

Jared gives him a small smile and a shrug. He turns onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. "I didn't want to be the reason your career got ruined," he admits quietly. 

"You wouldn't have been," Jensen replies, honestly surprised Jared felt that way. He never blamed him, never blamed anyone but himself.

"Yeah, I would have."

"No, Jared, seriously. We both fucked up when we kissed in public and we both suffered the consequences," Jensen argues and runs his fingers through Jared's hair, tugging at the soft strands. "I've been in this business a lot longer than you have, I should have known better than to kiss you out in public."

"But you had a lot more to lose than I did," Jared says and turns his head towards him. "And you matter to me, Jensen. I didn't want you to end up resenting me." 

"You really didn't want to do this," Jensen says and Jared gives him an apologetic look. 

"No," he admits. 

Jensen sighs. "I pushed you into this, didn't I?"

"No, you asked and I agreed." Jared says and shakes his head. "It was my decision to make and I might not have liked it, but I chose to play along. If anything, it was our teams that pushed me into this." 

"Our?" 

Jared winces and flips onto his side, looking at Jensen with cautious eyes. "I didn't tell you back then, but Lauren called me that day, after we had those meetings," he says. "She called my manager and got my number. My manager really wanted me to do this anyway – thought it was a good opportunity to get my name out there, get me some press." 

"And Lauren?" 

"She didn't think you'd do a good job selling the idea to me, wouldn't tell me how much this mattered, so she did," Jared says. "It didn't matter, I probably would have done it anyway." 

"Are you lying so I don't go strangle Lauren?" Jensen asks suspiciously. He tries not to let the anger than he can feel inside of him rise – it's not the right time for this. He can be angry at Lauren later, but right now he needs to focus on Jared, on finally talking to him. They haven't done this often enough, or at all.

"No," Jared says with a small laugh that's not entirely happy. "I… well, we were already outed. And then I thought about if we didn't give this a shot and it ruined your career. What that would look like to others. To gay teenagers. 'Cause I remember being there not too long ago, realizing I was gay and how terrified I was. How I wouldn't even really admit it to myself and how I hated it. It wasn't until I came here and met more open-minded people, met other gay guys and lesbians that I came to terms with it. I thought, maybe, if we did this, it might end up being a good thing for someone out there."

"Sweetheart," Jensen says. "Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

Jared gives him a sad smile. "I don't know. I don't think I wanted to get into the whole thing, because it was kinda personal for me. I've been there, you know? There are enough stories about people who aren't doing okay after coming out. People who lose their families or jobs and friends. And those are the stories that stick. I know because those are the stories that stuck with me for the longest time, and that's what I thought about when it happened," he says. "You're a successful actor, a fucking Academy Award winner, and if your career had suffered because of your sexuality… what were gay kids who are already scared enough as it is supposed to think?"

Jensen can't even imagine. He knows those things, of course he does, but it's not something he thinks about consciously a lot. He grew up in an environment that sounds completely different from Jared's – in a family with an aunt who was openly gay and a cousin who came out when Jensen was a young teen. With parents who made it clear that, no matter what, they'd always love and welcome their children. He was never open about his sexuality to people other than his family and closest friends, but he never had a problem with who he was, never feared the rejection of his family. And it probably made him approach things differently, because he never, not once, thought about what their outing might mean for others. He thought about himself and his career, and his relationship with Jared, but that was pretty much it. He never looked at it and thought it could mean something positive for anyone.  
And yet, he's not sure Jared's approach is better. Not when he looks at him now, sees the sadness and the weight Jared must have been carrying around.

"Jay. That's very admirable, that you thought about that," he says carefully. "But you have to do what's right for you."

"Like I said, I was already outed. It was already a mess," Jared says. "I thought maybe we could at least turn this into a good thing for others."

"It wasn't a mess."

Jared huffs. "I wasn't out to my parents, Jensen," he says, and there's so much hurt coloring his voice. 

Jensen freezes, feels like his entire world just got tilted sideways, and there's a pain in his chest. A pain for Jared. "No. Jared, you… _fuck_."

Jared gives him a sad smile. "They didn't disown me. It's not _that_ bad. But I always knew they wouldn't be happy about it," he says. "The way it happened really didn't help. They feel like I humiliated them, by having those photos spread everywhere for everyone at home to see and they had no idea. And it really _wasn't_ fair to them, that this is how they found out."

"You didn't do it on purpose. It's not your fault," Jensen points out, and under the sheets his hand finds Jared's. He tangles their fingers, gives Jared's hand a squeeze.

"No, but it sure feels like it sometimes," Jared says. 

Jensen swallows thickly. He shifts closer, runs his foot against Jared's leg, just to touch, to be close to him. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. We're still talking. It's just… not too great," Jared admits. "It'll get easier with time, I'm sure. At least I hope so. They need to get used to it, adjust. But I don't think they'll ever be happy about it."

"I'm _really_ sorry," Jensen says. "Fuck, Jared. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because… this whole thing. It's been weird and exhausting and I didn't want to add to it."

"You should have told me," Jensen stresses, and he can't believe how much they fucked up. How much he fucked up. "I would have been here for you. Would have tried to help."

"I wanted to tell you," Jared admits. "But let's face it, we hadn't even been dating for a long time. We didn't even know each other that well yet."

Jensen sighs and presses a kiss to Jared's forehead. "God, this is so fucked up. This entire thing."

"Yeah."

"We'll fix it. It'll get better, I promise."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Jensen says. "Starting by not letting Lauren run this thing anymore."

"Jensen… not to be a pessimist here, but we're already in too deep," Jared says. "If we stop, people will talk. It'll be one of those things that'll get blown up and people will just scrutinize us even more. Feels like that's what the media is waiting for anyway. We're all happy now, so now they're waiting for the inevitable crash."

"We're not going to crash," Jensen says firmly, and he hopes he's right. He thinks he could be, if they manage to move past the whole mess and put more work into _their_ relationship, rather than the one they've been trying to portray.

Jared smiles – it's a small one, but it's a smile nonetheless. "Well, look at you, Mr. Relationship."

"I'm serious. We just… gotta do our thing. Go on dates _we_ want to, share the things about our lives we want to share online."

"You saying you'd want to share anything?"

Jensen shrugs, feeling exhausted all over again. He's not really sure yet, except he knows things will have to change. "I never got to have a real relationship, Jared," he says quietly. "I've been with guys for a few weeks, a few months, but I always went in knowing it couldn't be more. Because I knew I couldn't be out, couldn't have more than some hush-hush meetings with them behind closed doors, and even then I felt like I had to be careful. I never got to take a guy out on dates, kiss him in public, talk about him."

"And now that you can, you want to be open about it?" Jared asks.

"Maybe? Not to the point it's been lately – I don't want to tweet about every goddamn dinner I have with you. I just… want to be normal."

"Sounds nice," Jared admits. "You know… now that you're out, it doesn't have to be me. You could have that with other guys, too."

"You mean someone who isn't an idiot? 'Cause right now you're being an idiot, sweetheart," Jensen says teasingly, his tone soft. "You're… intoxicating. Since that first time we met, I just wanted more. And that hasn't changed. I've never felt that way about another guy."

He watches Jared flush, his cheeks coloring.

Jensen pulls him in, kisses the bridge of his nose, cups the back of his neck, feels the warm skin there. "Baby?" he murmurs. "Not to be a mood killer here, but I think you have a fever again."

"Yeah, I kinda figured. Been feeling a bit woozy."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Cause I wasn't sure I wasn't just hallucinating this," Jared mumbles. "It's been kinda nice and I wanted it to last."

Jensen sighs, but his lips are tugging up into a smile involuntarily. "You really are a goddamn idiot."

"But an intoxicating one, right?" Jared asks, sounding hopeful. 

"You have no idea," Jensen says and brushes Jared's hair back. "Get some rest, baby. I'm right here."

+

Jared sleeps for longer than Jensen thought he would this time. Being up, talking, must have worn him out, and Jensen feels bad for him. He hopes getting more rest will be enough, that their day won't end up with a trip to the hospital on top of everything else.

After a while, Jensen sneaks out of bed and goes to call Lauren.

"Jensen," she says. "I called your earlier."

"I saw," he says.

"What was going on with you guys last night?" Lauren asks, apparently not in the mood for small talk. "I saw some reports pop up and they didn't sound all that great."

"Jared's sick, he wasn't feeling too well," Jensen says, and he hates that he even feels the need to explain. Steeling himself for an argument, he adds, "He told me about the premiere tonight, but we're not gonna make it. Jared isn't up for it."

"Are you sure? Jensen, this is a pretty big event."

"We're not going," Jensen says, his voice final. 

Lauren sighs loudly, obviously not pleased. "Fine. I'll prepare some statement, and I'll find something else for you guys to do soon. Maybe Jared can come up to Vancouver for a while and you guys can do something there."

"No," Jensen says. "No statement, and no Vancouver plans."

There's a moment of heavy silence before Lauren says, "What?"

"Lauren, thank you for your hard work. Really. But I need you to take a step back," Jensen explains.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Jared and I need to do this at our own pace. Because this isn't working for us anymore," Jensen says. "So we decided we're not doing this whole thing anymore. This media circus."

"I know what I'm doing, Jensen," Lauren says patiently. "It _has_ been working."

"No, not for _us_ ," Jensen says. 

"You're more famous than ever before. Jared is more famous than ever before."

"Yeah, and maybe our careers would have suffered if we hadn't done this. So thank you for that," Jensen says. "You're good at your job, Lauren. I'm not denying that. But this isn't about our careers anymore, this is about our relationship. Which _has_ been failing. Miserably. So we're going to try to get it back on track now."

"Don't do anything you'll regret later," Lauren warns, her voice terse now.

"That's exactly what I'm trying not to do," Jensen says.

+

Jensen gets a text from Jeff not half an hour later. "Proud of you, kiddo," he's written, and Jensen smiles.

Before he can answer, though, he gets another, "Lauren just talked my ear off for half an hour though, so you owe me big time."

Jensen laughs softly and then goes online to order Jeff one of the nicest bottles of whiskey he can find.

+

Jared is doing a bit better by the afternoon.

Jensen arranged with Chad to have him drop off Harley and Sadie, and despite Jared's protests that it's not necessary, Jensen lets them jump up onto the couch with them. They have some food and watch a movie, and Jared falls asleep with his head on Jensen's shoulder, snoring softly into his ear.

+

Jensen has to be back in Vancouver on Monday. Jared flies out for a visit two weeks later.

Jensen doesn't meet him at the airport, doesn't tweet about it either, or send a limo to pick Jared up. Jared grabs a cab instead, and Jensen tells the hotel staff that he has a guest coming in through the backdoor and that they want privacy. 

When Jared is finally in his room, wearing a hoodie and a baseball cap that's pulled low in his face, Jensen hugs him for a full minute, just wraps Jared up in his arms and pushes his face into the crook of his neck and breathes in the familiar scent of his boyfriend. 

They stay in the first night. They order too much room service and Jensen blows Jared in the shower, then fucks him in front of the huge mirror in the bathroom, Jared's hands braced on the sink, and then again, later, in bed, right before going to sleep wrapped up in each other.

It's Friday the next day and Jensen has to shoot, so he kisses a sleepy Jared goodbye in the morning and leaves him cuddled up in bed, wishing he could stay there with him.

It's not a bad day of shooting, but knowing Jared is in the same city makes it harder for Jensen to focus, to want to be there instead of with Jared. He's not sure when he was last this happy when a director wrapped things up for the day.

It's not too late, and when Jensen makes it back to the hotel, he finds Jared is sitting on the bed in a worn out pair of jeans and loose t-shirt, watching TV. Jensen climbs onto the bed with him and kisses him hello, smiling against Jared's lips. 

"What did you do all day?" he asks.

"Worked out in the gym and used the pool, then took advantage of the fucking _amazing_ spa they have here and got a massage," Jared says. "Then hung out here, read a little. Nothing exciting."

"You stayed in all day," Jensen notes.

"I didn't want to leave the hotel just yet," Jared admits, giving him a small shrug.

Jensen nods and then climbs into Jared's lap. "Let's stay in tonight, too, then," he murmurs and kisses Jared, while pushing him back onto the mattress, starting a repeat of the night before.

They leave the hotel the next afternoon. Jensen takes Jared to the wharf and they wander around a little. Their caps and sunglasses mostly make them blend in, but they get recognized a few times, sign some autographs and take some pictures. Mostly, they get left alone though and Jensen doesn't think he's ever felt this relaxed, strolling around in public with Jared, holding his hand.

Later, he takes Jared out to dinner. It's a burger place – a normal, nice, but far from fancy place. The kind they would have gone to before Lauren started planning their dates.

The girl who seats them flushes when she sees them, tells them how much she likes them, but she doesn't make a big deal about it after that. The difference between this and L.A. makes Jensen realize how bad things were before, with the paparazzi. How different it is to go to places where people don't go to be seen. 

"I really like this city," Jared says, while popping a fry into his mouth.

"It's nice," Jensen agrees. "Better than L.A."

Jared grins at him. "Well, you kinda hate L.A., so that's not saying much."

"Yeah, I kinda do," Jensen admits and knocks his foot against Jared's under the table. "But I guess we haven't exactly been seeing the best sides of L.A. lately."

"I don't know – your house is kinda my favorite place in L.A. and I've been seeing a lot of that," Jared teases. "But when you get back to L.A., maybe we can go out somewhere nice. Quiet. See if we can't get you to like the city at least a little again."

"I'm pretty sure we can," Jensen agrees, and thinks Jared can probably make him do lots of things.

+

They go hiking the next day, and when Jared says, somewhat wistfully, that the dogs would have loved it here, Jensen can't help but miss them, too.

They make it to a nice vantage point, and standing on a small ledge, they quietly admire the view for a little while before Jared pulls out his phone. He snaps a few pictures and then smiles at Jensen.

"Wanna take one together?" he asks, and Jensen shrugs.

"Sure," he says, and moves closer to Jared. They turn their backs to the view of the city, and Jared holds his phone up. It takes them a moment to get it right, get them and the landscape both into frame. They end up with a picture of them with Jensen's arms wrapped around Jared's waist and their cheeks pressed together, both of them smiling. They're both a little sweaty and their hair is ruffled from the wind, and Jared's t-shirt has a few damp patches on it. But they look happy. 

"We could post this," Jared suggests softly. They haven't been tweeting or posting on instagram for two weeks, not since Jensen's weekend in L.A.

"You want to?" Jensen asks.

"We said we might, on our own time. And it's a cute picture. It's real," Jared says, sounding like he's picking the word carefully. 

Jensen nods and kisses his cheek.

"Go ahead, baby," he says and Jared gives him a small smile.

"Okay," he says. "You know, once I actually have a signal again."

Jensen laughs. "Well, come on, we can start making our way back. I'm probably gonna have to feed you soon anyway."

"Probably," Jared agrees.

+

Jensen checks his phone later that night, while Jared is brushing his teeth. Curious about what Jared posted, he opens instagram and goes to Jared's profile – Jared only captioned it with a smiley and tagged Jensen.

Jensen thinks that's pretty much perfect.

+

When Jared gets into bed with him, Jensen rolls on top of him, presses him down and kisses him.

"You taste like toothpaste," he murmurs, and Jared strains up into him, silently demanding another kiss.

Jensen takes it slow that night, even though Jared is impatient, pleading for more and harder, but Jensen takes his sweet time with him. 

Drags his mouth over Jared's neck, his collarbone, while he works him open with slick fingers.

Finally, he nudges Jared onto his side, pushes one leg up and out, and then sinks into him carefully, letting them both feel it, feel every inch as he slides in deeper. Jared is hot, slick and tight, the way Jensen has become so very familiar with, and it feels as good as it did the first time.

He fucks Jared with slow rolls of his hips, one hand pressed to Jared's stomach, the other on his chest, arm squished between Jared's head and the pillow. He stays pressed up against Jared, barely any room to move, just ruts into him lazily, languidly. 

"Love you," he whispers into the skin of Jared's neck when he feels Jared getting close, and Jared shudders in his arms. He rocks into him twice more, then drags his lips over the shell of Jared's ear, "I love you, Jared." 

Jared comes with a broken moan, falling apart in Jensen's arms so prettily, so helplessly, Jensen thinks love isn't nearly a strong enough word for what he feels for him.

+

Jensen is in Vancouver for two more months, and while he was eager to leave L.A. at first, he's now eager to go back home.

He flies back to Los Angeles a few times, just to spend a day or two with Jared, and Jared flies out twice more as well. They go out a few times, take Jared's dogs for walks around Jensen's neighborhood when Jared brings them along, grab a bite to eat somewhere a couple of times, but they avoid the busy parts of L.A. Jensen is pretty sure neither of them is ready for legions of paparazzi and fans just yet.

They spend one day at Jensen's beach house further north up the coast, where he has a private beach and the closest town is half an hour away. 

"Dude," Jared says when they get there. "You never told me about this place."

"I kinda haven't been here in a while myself," Jensen admits. 

Jared gives him a rueful smile. "Show me the beach, Ackles," he says. "I need to work on my tan."

"Sure you do," Jensen says and drops their things off in their bedroom, before taking Jared down the small path that leads from the house to the beach. 

He tries to teach Jared how to surf that afternoon – which Jared fails at miserably, though he's grinning and laughing the whole time anyway – and they sip cocktails they made themselves on the porch while watching the sun set, and then Jensen fucks Jared right there on one of the deckchairs, tasting lime and sugary syrup on Jared's lips as he thrusts into him.

+

When the movie finally wraps, Jensen is actually happy to be returning to L.A. To Jared. He doesn't stay in Vancouver longer than he has to, packs all his things up and is on a flight home the next morning.

Jensen goes straight to Jared's from the airport. 

Jared opens the door for him with a wide smile, and Jensen drops his pack and pulls him into a kiss and then a hug.

"Welcome home," Jared murmurs into his shoulder, and Jensen grins.

"Good to be home, baby," he replies.

When they pull apart, Jensen goes down onto his knees to cuddle the dogs.

"Hey guys. Did you miss me? Do you even still remember me?" he asks, laughing when they're all over him, licking at his face and wagging their tails, twisting and turning under his hands as he pets them.

"Of course they missed you," Jared says and he probably doesn't even realize how much those words mean to Jensen, how it makes him think about Jared's tweet weeks ago and how he didn't know if there was any truth to it. "I had to let them sleep in my bed all the time because they missed you so much."

Jensen glances up at Jared and grins, then turns to the dogs with a more serious expression. "Sounds more like maybe your daddy missed me a little and needed company at night, huh?" 

Sadie woofs and Jensen grins. "Yes, yes, you're right. I think so, too." 

"Think what?"

"That I need to make it up to you."

He gets up, wraps his arms around Jared and backs him up against a wall, before he kisses him. Jared tastes like candy, and Jensen grins into it, sliding his hands up under Jared's t-shirt to feel the warm, smooth skin under his palms.

Sadie and Harley jump around them, pushing Jensen closer into Jared and he breathes against Jared's lips. "Move in with me."

"What?" Jared asks, looking at him with wide, surprised eyes.

"You heard me," Jensen says. "Move in with me."

"Isn't that a little soon?"

"Yes," Jensen says and cups Jared's face in his hands. "Move in with me anyway."

Jared smiles, a small and amused one, and curls his hands around Jensen's wrists. "Okay," he says.

+

Jensen is there when Jared calls his parents to tell them about moving in together a few weeks later.

"I failed to tell them something important about me, about my life, once. I'm not doing it again," he'd told Jensen a few days earlier and Jensen knows how big of a deal this is to Jared.

So he stays close, not touching Jared, just being there.

He listens to Jared's side of the conversation with his mother, the awkward small talk before Jared tells her about his impending move, listens to the silence that follows from Jared before he says, a little sadly, "I don't know. I guess I want you to be happy for me, mom." 

He looks down at his hand, the one that's not holding the phone, fingers picking at the beginning of a hole at the knee of his jeans. Jared's mom says something in reply, but Jensen only hears a tinny voice and can't make out any words. 

But his heart breaks when Jared says, more quietly, "It doesn't feel wrong."

When he hangs up, Jensen pulls him close. "It's not, you know that?"

"Hmm?"

"Wrong. It's not wrong."

Jared tilts his head back, resting on Jensen's shoulder. "I know," he says. "But way too many people still think it is. My parents think it is."

He doesn't cry, but he looks like he's about to, and Jensen feels like he is, too.

+

Jensen donates a disgusting amount of money to an LGBTQ youth organization in San Antonio the next day. He asks Jared about it first, and when Jared hugs him and starts crying – softly, silently – he knows he's doing the right thing.

He hopes _that's_ something that'll make the news – especially in San Antonio.

+

Jared moves in on a Saturday a few weeks later, once he's found someone to move into the apartment so Chad isn't left hanging.

There's paparazzi parked outside Jensen's house, snapping pictures as Jared and Jensen lug in boxes and the few pieces of furniture Jared is taking with him. It's not a lot, and they decided they'd rather do this themselves than have strangers move things into the house and see their stuff. 

Jensen isn't really happy about the fact that they're being photographed doing it, and maybe he needs to invest in a new gate, one that's higher and people can't see through, but his neighborhood isn't really like that. It's nice, all big and well-kept houses, but he's the only one who has paparazzi following him around here and there are kids playing on the street that wave at him when he happens to be in the driveway and neighbors that shout greetings at him when they walk down the street. Jensen doesn't want to close himself from people – just from Hollywood and the media. 

To his surprise, the paparazzi don't bother him as much as they did in the past months as he helps Jared move in though. There's nothing much here for them to see, so mostly he's just baffled about why this could possibly be interesting to anyone. But it doesn't feel as oppressing, doesn't make his stomach twist unpleasantly.

"Guys," he calls out eventually, "you can go home. It's not going to get any more exciting than this. We might just start looking a little sweatier, but you're not getting anything else from us today."

"Sweaty might encourage them," Jared mutters to him, and Jensen laughs.

"Your fault. I don't even know where all of this stuff is coming from – did you have a hidden room in your apartment?"

"Yes. I hid tons of stuff there, just to torture the poor guy who'd ask me to move in with him one day."

"I knew it," Jensen says, and when they're inside, he drops the box he was carrying and pulls Jared into a kiss. His hand slides down Jared's back, settling on the swell of his ass and palming it.

"I think we should take a break," Jared suggests, and Jensen happily agrees.

+

"I have a list of magazines that are interested in doing interviews and I have a selection of brands that are interested in brand deals and ads," Lauren says and hands him a few papers.

Jensen has a meeting with her and Jeff, just to go over the upcoming few months. 

"I think it'd be really good if you did a bit more," she adds, while Jensen skims the papers.

"I don't wanna be the face of some perfume or shampoo or whatever."

Lauren sighs. "Jensen. The media is already starting to pay less attention to you and Jared."

"Doesn't feel like it," Jensen mutters and Jeff barely hides his grin.

"Yeah, well, it's true," she says. "It's not as bad as before, but it's still noticeable. At least tweet a bit more."

"We're good, Lauren, thanks," Jensen says tersely.

"You're frustrating."

"I'm _happy_."

Jeff clears his throat. "Okay. That's enough."

"I'll do the interview with the Advocate," Jensen says. "You can toss the rest."

"Great," Lauren says but rolls her eyes at him.

+

Jensen is picking up some groceries at the store, when a guy brushes past him and mutters, "Fag."

Jensen is too taken aback to say anything at first, and he feels it hit him hard. He sees comments like that on social media in his replies all the time, but he's blessedly left alone with it in real life. Probably because he doesn't go out a lot and he has bodyguards a lot of the time when he does. 

He's not naïve, he knows people hate him for his sexuality, but the insult still startles him. 

And then it makes him think of Jared and his situation with his family, all the kind of crap they probably think and sometimes say to Jared that Jensen doesn't even know about, and how damn much that must hurt. What it must be like when someone says something like that to Jared, who is affected by things so differently than Jensen seems to be. 

Jensen, now that he thinks about it – standing in the middle of the grocery store like an idiot –, lives in a bit of a bubble of him and Jared and the dogs, and on film sets where he's being shielded and pampered. As much hate as he gets online, he rarely gets it in person and he realizes this is probably what other guys, who aren't as lucky as he is, have to deal with all the time.

Gathering his thoughts, Jensen continues to get the things Jared jotted down on a shopping list and tries not to let the encounter bother him too much. He spies the guy a few more times. He's a bit older, thinning dark hair and a bit of a gut. And who is he to judge Jensen? 

He thinks about approaching him, confronting him, and he wishes he would have thought of something snappy to reply right away, but he doesn't want to start a scene either. But then he sees him in the aisle where the condoms are and he can't help himself. He's been quiet about who he is all his life – not ashamed of it, but not proud of it either, and he's done with that. He's happy with his life, with who he is – with Jared, most of all – and if people think they can judge him for that, if they think they have the right to even attempt to take some of that happiness away from him, then they have another thing coming. 

He saunters down the aisle, grabs two bottles of lube, the most expensive one he sees at first glance. When he sees the guy glancing at him from where he's pursuing the condoms – and the petty side of Jensen would bet the guy doesn't even need them because he probably doesn't get laid – he reaches past him and grabs a box of the largest condoms he sees, too, giving the guy a smug grin. "Sorry, my fag boyfriend and I really need these," he says. 

It's a little immature, but it feels good. Not because of the look on the guy's face, but because Jensen _can_ do this now, can say he's gay and proud of it and not worry about his career.

+

"You're quiet tonight," Jared notes over dinner, giving him a small smile.

Jensen puts his fork down and shrugs. "Got some stuff on my mind," he says and then adds, "Some guy called me a fag today at the store."

The way Jared's face falls, the almost stricken look confirms just what Jensen has been thinking. How much these things get to Jared while Jensen is much better at brushing them off. 

"I'm sorry, Jensen," Jared says.

"Don't be. I think he was the one who was sorry by the end of it," Jensen says and then makes a face. "If you happen to read anything about me buying condoms and us being well-endowed in the media any time soon, ignore it."

"What?" Jared asks and it startles a laugh out of him.

"I was feeling petty."

"Do I wanna know?"

"Probably not," Jensen says and nudges their feet together under the table. "But I picked out some condoms and lube for the guy to see."

"Oh god," Jared says, shaking his head, but he's grinning.

"I like this, you know?" Jensen notes.

"Like what? Being insulted in the grocery store?"

"Being able to be so open in public. I never even realized how much I wanted it," Jensen explains. "Even when it means people will be douchebags and insult me, it still feels better than hiding who I am, lying about it."

"Yeah. Lifts a weight off your shoulders, doesn't it?"

"Exactly," Jensen says. He twirls the stem of the glass around in his fingers. "Remember what you said about why you decided to do this whole thing Lauren cooked up? About teenagers who don't know that it's okay to be gay, who don't have anyone in their lives who is like them to see that?"

"Yeah," Jared says, voice softer.

"I think maybe I want to do something to help kids like that," Jensen says. "Kids who feel like you felt back home."

"You did by donating the money," Jared reminds him.

"Yeah. But I don't just want to throw money around and let others do the work," Jensen says. "I mean, I don't want to be the poster boy for gay men. But maybe we can do something, you know? Get involved, somehow?"

"I think that'd be really nice," Jared admits.

"Hmm, Lauren's been bugging me about us not drawing enough attention to ourselves anymore anyway," Jensen says and gives Jared a little smirk.

"I don't think that is what she had in mind."

"She wanted us to be out and proud," Jensen mocks. "That would count as out and proud."

"I think she meant in a non-threatening, aren't we cute and happy kind of way."

"I like our way better," Jensen says, lifting his chin as if to challenge Jared to disagree. And of course Jared doesn't.

He just ducks his head a little, smiling, and says, "Me, too."

+

Three years after winning his first Academy Award, Jensen wins a second. It's for Best Supporting Actor this time, but Jensen doesn't even care what it's for. He just cares that he's still here, still doing well.

Jared and he go to an after-party, but they leave early, after just a few drinks. _That_ part hasn't changed about him. 

They go home and Jared opens a bottle of champagne he put in the fridge before they left – "You're gonna win, Jensen. I know we're gonna need it." – and pours them both a glass. 

They toast, and Jared pulls Jensen close by the waist after a couple of sips. "Are you happy?" he asks.

Jensen looks at him, _thinks_ about that because it feels like too important a question not to, and smiles. "Yeah."

"You hesitated," Jared points out.

With his free hand, Jensen touches Jared's cheek, rubs his fingers over Jared's dimple that's _just_ showing. "I think maybe I could be happier."

Jared knits his brows together. "How?" he asks, and Jensen can see the concern on his face. 

He grins. Takes Jared's glass from him, sets it down on the counter along with his and then grabs Jared's hand.

He leads Jared into his study, and the safe there. Jensen unlocks it, and pulls out a small, velvet box.

"I, uh," he starts. "I bought this a couple of months ago."

"Jensen," Jared says, sounding all fond and a little choked up.

Jensen grins and pushes Jared back a little. "Give me some room to do this properly," he says.

Jared laughs, taking a step back. "Okay. Sorry."

Jensen gets down on one knee, opening up the box to reveal the ring, and his hands are shaking a little even though he knows he has nothing to be worried about. "Jared Padalecki, I love you. You're my world and I don't want to spend a day of my life without you," he says. "Will you marry me?"

Jared makes a small, sniffling noise and nods, grinning widely. "I mean, yeah. Yes. Yes, of course," he adds. 

Jensen takes his hand, putting the ring on Jared's finger, before Jared pulls him up and into a kiss.

"We should tweet about this," Jared says between kisses, grinning against Jensen's mouth.

Jensen pinches his butt and tips his head back. "Okay, I'm taking it back. Give me the ring back."

Jared laughs. "No, but Jensen! Think about the press we'd get. You'd outdo everyone else who won an Oscar tonight," he teases. "It'd be all over the news! Your career would skyrocket!"

"Maybe I should put you over my knee and give you a good spanking and then tweet of picture of _that_ ," Jensen mocks.

Jared grins widely at him. "I don't know. It might get your account deleted."

"Oh god, don't tempt me."

Jared snickers and kisses him, hands holding Jensen's face. "I love you so damn much."

"Love you, too."

"Hey," Jared says quietly. "Are you happy _now_?"

"God, _yes_ ," Jensen says. "The happiest."

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! If you like my fics, I'm auctioning off two fics for Fandom Loves Puerto Rico to help raise money for the victims of Hurricane Maria. All you have to do is bid on the fics (or all kinds of other great fanworks), donate the money directly to [ConPRmetidos](http://www.conprmetidos.org/) if you win and you get a fic in return. More details can be found [here](https://fandomlovespuertorico.dreamwidth.org/434.html) and my thread is [here](https://fandomlovespuertorico.dreamwidth.org/3482.html?thread=354714#cmt354714).


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